Last week I did something wrong, something very very wrong. I was going round and doing a bit of shopping and looking for a pot of creme fraiche to use to make chocolate mousse. I took a quick look around the cream section and saw that in the place of normal creme fraiche was a strikingly labelled low fat creme fraiche. (Why would anybody buy low fat creme fraiche? It’s bloody cream for goodness sake, if you want something less fatty then go and buy yourself some yoghurt and stop kidding yourself.) Suitably repulsed, I looked around for the full fat version somewhere on the shelves, but as hard as I looked it just didn’t turn up. The huge basket full of duck and pumpkins that I was carrying was getting rather heavy by this point and so I took a quick look around the dairy section for a half decent alternative and my eyes fell on a similar sized pot of fromage frais.

Now I thought I got a funny look when I went through the till and I only realised when I got back home and had a quick look through my slightly hasty purchases. I’ve somehow started to build up a reputation at the local supermarket by going in and buying very little apart from butter, double cream and bacon and the funny look almost certainly came from the fact that I had just bought NO FAT FROMAGE FRAIS.

I think I’ve officially brought shame on all I stand for, which was partly salved by adding clotted cream and unsalted butter to the stuff before I used it for anything, but still stands a blot on my character in the eyes of the supermarket! Clearly there’s only one way to do that and that is to start making fudge!

Sitting in the kitchen now is £20 worth of cream, butter, sugar, condensed milk and syrups and three batches of fudgey type stuff that taste just like a heart attack (Thanks for the recipe for the crumbly toffee Pat). There’s a whole new set of fun things for me to learn about crystallisation and water percentages and appropriate temperatures and agitation techniques and big funky charts full of numbers… can you tell I’m excited? Either way, I’m sure that going through all of the different recipes is going require a lot of sugar and a lot of butter (and possibly a lot of internal pain) but it’ll all be worth it to bring back my reputation in Waitrose as “that guy who just buys butter and sugar and cream and bacon and is so going to die in five years time of massive organ failure.”

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