Now I do rememeber there being an update schedule that I was going to try and adhere to and I do remember that there were certain things that different days were meant to be… I think that today was “news” but that’s been pretty well covered already, so here’s a fun chocolate recipe instead!

For the Girton Ball next Spring I’ve been planning out recipes for brand new chocolates based on the seven deadly sins. It goes without saying that gluttony is the star of the show and I feel proud to say I’ve created a chocolate that shows just about the worst excesses of sin that it is possible to create… the Wild Mushroom and Bacon Truffle!!! Just eat one and you’ve committed the sin of gluttony; once you eat it you’ve got to go and beg for forgiveness or that’s it, no more heaven for you, there is only an eternal burning hell filled with, as I understand it, endless banquets where you’re force fed really unpleasant animals. Pass the bacon and chocolate because that sounds like a party I need to be at!

I’m home all on my own at the moment and so, uncommonly, this is the very first recipe on this website for one. It’s perfect for the the sad and lonely bachelor life in that it’s quick and easy to make, you can make one portion without too much trouble and adjust the amounts in it up and down depending on how hungry you are and if you eat it often enough then you’ll cause yourself irreparable damage and you can have the sweet release of death by severe heart failure by the age of about 30. It’s actually a very elegant sauce if you leave out the chocolate, bacon and egg… but that would hardly be appropriate, now would it?

Ingredients (very rough. If in doubt, go by the picture rather than by the weights.):

two pats of butter (that’s one pat on the knife there)

100g of streaky bacon

two cloves of garlic

1 tablespoon of dried mushrooms

a healthy splash of red wine

1 tablespoon of ground pistachios

100ml of double cream

enough pasta for one

an egg or two if you’re an impressively greedy person

First, get the mushrooms and pour about 75 ml of boiling water on them and leave it to stand for about half an hour. Take them out of the water and make sure you keep all of it. Chop the mushrooms finely with the garlic and then fry it on high heat with a pat of butter. Wait until it smells like it’s almost about to burn or watch until all the butter and liquid disappears and then add in the red wine followed by the pistachios. Mush it all around until the clumps of pistachio even out then turn the heat down as low as it will go and add in the liquid you’ve kept from the mushrooms and the cream. Keep an eye on it and stir it occasionally while you follow the other steps.

Now, turn your attention to the bacon. Heat up the other pat of bacon in another frying pan and once the butter starts to bubble add the bacon. Fry it on high heat for a minute or so and then turn the heat down a little so that it will dry out, but won’t burn. Turn the bacon occasionally and after about five minutes or so you should have bacon that shatters when you try and touch it.

While you’re making your bacon-bits get a pan of salt water boiling and start cooking your pasta as you like it. Now take a moment to sit back and admire your work. Three pans all bubbling away at the same time and you’ve done it all in ten minutes, but you don’t have time to waste here. Hopefully you’re bacon is just about ready to shatter so take it out and lay it on a (strictly optional) piece of bread to absorb some of the grease and dry it out a bit more. Use all the lovely grease that left the bacon pan to fry the egg. Do it sunny side up or if you’re confident that you can do it over easy without breaking the yolk then do it. Move the egg around so that it collects the bacon friedness (not at all optional) and once it’s done, turn the heat off, take it out of the pan and put it to one side.

Drain the (hopefully now cooked) pasta and keep a little of the water behind. Pop the pasta into the bacon pan and then pour the (now beautifully reduced and thick) sauce over it and mix it all around until it’s evenly combined, if it gets too dry then use the water you’ve kept from the pasta. Shatter most of the bacon into little bits, but keep a little behind and mix it in to the pasta… now do the same with the chocolate and feel the sinfulness call out to you. Mix it around a little bit, but not too much because you want to keep little chocolate/bacon patches in there, then transfer it to a plate and garnish with lots and lots of black pepper, a little bit of chunky salt and bacon and eggs. There should be more dishes that call for bacon and eggs as a garnish.

And look, look, there’s green on the top…. that makes it healthy, right?