Ok, so as it turns out, having two jobs and only getting four hours of sleep a night isn’t very good for you. Funny, I would never have figured that. Anyway, didn’t manage to do a blog post yesterday since I got home from work at about seven with the most massive headache ever, drank a whole load of water, ate a whole load of pork and then just collapsed and didn’t move for the next fourteen hours. Feeling much much better now though, perhaps just a tad groggy and I’ll fix that on Saturday.

I had my first muck around today with the 100% cocoa bar I got from Valrhona and it’s been really really interesting. First off… it’s very bitter, slightly acidic and not sweet at all (wow Will, you are sharp today overwork and no sleep is unhealthy, pure cocoa with no added sugar is not sweet, next you’re going to come to the startling revelation that water is wet!) and actually it somehow tastes a little salty and almost meaty, it’s really hard to describe, but it hardly tastes like a normal bar of chocolate at all. Really makes me think that the person to decide to make it into something sweet must have been a bit of an insane genius, if I’d been the first person to come across the stuff I would have been sticking to the savoury and spicy options. I like to think that milk chocolate was created by a slightly unhinged but brilliant scientist who applied his “special technique” to every food he came across.

“I have discovered turtles!!! I will smash them to paste with my hammer and then mix them with powdered milk and sugar…. mwhahahahahahahha!!! Ah Frederick, you are back! What do think of this one?”

“…it’s… err…. lovely.

Dr. Peter, we have brought you exotic plants from the New World as you requested.”

“Excellent! What have we here then….. AHAH! I have discovered… tobacco!!! I will smash it to paste with my hammer and then mix it with powdered milk and sugar. Now Frederick, TASTE!”

Frederick sadly died of from digestive complications, but before he did Dr. Peter had managed to make the worlds first bar of milk chocolate. That’s how the story really goes and don’t let anyone else tell you otherwise.

I guess the flavour of the 100% bar must be just down to which beans you use and how much it gets fermented/conched/dutched/whatever since the nibs that Valrhona do aren’t anything like as strangely savoury and definitely aren’t salty and neither is the cocoa powder, at least not in the amounts I’ve been eating them. The bar also has a fair bit more cocoa butter than the nibs or at least that’s the way it tastes, so maybe it could have something to do with that. I’m going to have to go around and try all the 100% bars I can find now; oh how I suffer for my work.

After a couple hours spent humming and hahing about what to do with the stuff apart from eating it and trying out one or two things I haven’t really got very much. It’s quite tough to work with and I kept on mixing it with meat and making it into sandwiches rather than trying to make anything that I could actually sell. I’m going to try and make a non-sweet chocolate ice-cream on Saturday since I think that it’ll go well.

The only thing I have got for sure at the moment is that it makes one hell of a cup of hot chocolate! Pure 100% cocoa chocolate and full cream milk with just a hint of Amaretto is like a beautiful hot orgasm in a mug.

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