You are currently browsing the monthly archive for May 2007.
”Akismet has caught 228 spam for you since you first installed it.”I saw the number come up this evening when I logged in and thought that that really seems like a lucky number, I should have a quick check to see what there is in there…. probably somewhere in there there’s some comment that someone real has actually left, but to be honest I can’t face any more bits of spam trying to sell me “male enhancements” or rape porn.
However, having read about 50 spam comments, I really think that the person who writes the programs to produce the junk in them is a genius. It’s a bit like the million monkeys at a million type writers, except that they’ve all got keyboards that instead of having “a” have “sexed” and “phallic” instead of “s”. So to honour the million virtual monkeys, I present to you…
The Spammys!!!
Our first few entries tonight were part of a stream of spam comments posted in the style of questions and answers, lets kick off with a couple of answers first. These are quality pieces of work here, I feel that no matter what question I asked these answers would have a resounding positive effect. Feel their stimulation, feel their power, feel their authority!
5. “A: I violent my young girls being sexed to bud something club conditioner “who razor you?” aside i knew sink and gimp jail it was. ethereal an illegal gulf would horizontal me heather, and sweeping bloom destitute walkway knew.”
Is club conditioner a haircare product, a weapon, an all inclusive holiday camp? How do you gimp jail, or do you go there? “Who razor you?” Who knows! But all sweeps toward that illegal gulf and bloom destitute walkway. Poweful moving stuff brings this answer up to position number 5.
4.”A: He was [b]anal rape[/b] wanking himself to anal rape his low head, homey of intimidated adventure, up against sandy’s phallic nose. That tipped wand was a sensual successor day. mandy was housewife on her bed and wore a animal backfield t-shirt and her panties. she wore panties deliberately softening from roast may children, a blame scrotum with
Tarea is on the raped teens [b]anal rape[/b] of bedpost when megan immediately shoots her brusquely in the nose.”
This little section may be the most rape filled piece of prose ever composed by man or monkey. The only thing even more impressive is the inclusion of the phrases “Sandy’s phallic nose” we can only assume that it is her best feature.
Now you may be thinking “If these are answers then what the hell are the questions?” right about now. Coming in at number three is one of the finest, match it with either of the answers because it works equally well:
3. “Q: Shaking her r[b]ape movies[/b] quietly, tessa looked at the dungeon as she teary on compulsively baritone herself age conservative on by lee this worse she couldn’t discharge it as she play her response reply to reverse her. blended bullshit equipment at 4 pm. remove at the agony clock, she dim her mouth miscarriage it was 1 pm. weird schoolyard elevated and she would be sands ‘hostess’ to a hunger of neck adoring squeezing steve.”
How you shake your “r[b]ape movies[/b]” is quite beyond me, but it sounds very impressive nonetheless. As does compulsively baritoning yourself, though that might be a little more painful.
Number 2 is short and sweet, but every word is carefully chosen and resonates with real feeling:
2.”Nomination hiroshima devious a forearm issues and she stimulating vicar paranoid panties she liked. ” hydraulics i go now” ? she asked. “
wouldn’t you agree?
With the amazing gems we’ve had so far, what could possibly top all of them? Well, I present to you the epic of Spam prose, it’s a tale of a fantastic journey enough to make the ancients weep and the skies open up replete with jungle crotches and savour behinds:
“1.nikki interrupted the pyjama of plunge on the vibes bed, her participation plates. in the distance, she spirited the bedtime of flames, and knew her spider and her cellar were afire, including her foil and driver’s license. I went to the explosion to breaking myself up a hymen tournament first. true, he’d cleaned up his flood mess, down sprouting was wounded the boil of my gas earned caress to ground with. titty leak in the task i threw tourniquet on my face, took cringing angel breaths, looked at the fade a cross time, pill asked my harassment neighborhood loud, “what the small was that??” He had seen her family sex explosion of her troops and his innocent for her craved him summer her home. michelle was a jungle crotch with curves and a gentle savour behind.”
remarkable.
A bit fat marble table like the pros have, I really want it! Reading about what the pros do is starting to seem like an expensive idea, but every time I see some method and the techniques and science behind it I just think,
“Wow that is the best way of doing things isn’t it!”
I have to admit that I’m not all that good at tempering yet, sometimes it works out alright and sometimes it’s not so good. I’d blame my thermometer, but that would just be me making up excuses and I don’t like to do that, I’m going to get a new (and better) one just to prove that it really is me and I need to get better. I have to use the seeding method since I don’t have a giant awesome marble table so I can’t really use the tabling method just yet, but it looks like so much fun…
check out this video of someone tempering a load of chocolate using tabling with a dodgy Chinese soundtrack in the background. Click it just for the song, it sounds like Chinese restaurant music only worse. But anyway, doesn’t it look like fun? Well, maybe you don’t think so, but I love the idea of it. I’m hoping that when I bust out the chocolate palettes and chunky table dodgy Cantopop just starts playing from nowhere. That would make my life complete.
There’s something quite scary about ordering commercial quantities of stuff. I’ve just placed the first couple of orders for packaging today and just seeing
“Order Quantity 150 boxes… confirm?”
pop up on the screen makes me want to close that window down and run away as fast as I can, I’ve got no idea how big the delivery is going to be apart from taking the size of the boxes and multiplying it up, but it just doesn’t really give me any sense of the scale of it at all. Next up is doing the coolers and fridges and then after that the chocolate… 80kg of chocolate. I’ve never seen so much chocolate in my life, I think it’s going to be an amazing life affirming experience. It’ll arrive on the doorstep like the gigantic all knowing monolith that it is, there’ll be a fanfare and suddenly I’ll realise the meaning of life. (Oh and just in case you were in any doubt, the meaning of life is chocolate.)
Planning and organising the whole thing is really rather intimidating, I’m sure it’ll get done, but for the moment the idea of it is just slightly overwhelming and the fact that everything starts in just under 3 weeks’ time doesn’t do too much to calm the butterflies.
I reckon I’ve got Thursday free to try out the new techniques for speeding things up, once I’ve tried them out and got a bit better at using the new white chocolate then hopefully my confidence will come back. Hot damn I could make 12,000 of those biatches myself, hahahahahaha who needs sleep anyway! Yeah, it’ll be like that… just like that.
